The feeling of being out of your realm.
I wasn't going to make a blog today since I decided to "hammer out" my yaoi section for Animanga, but it's making me crazy. Not because it's hard, but all of the time it's taking to get it ready how I like it! Today alone I've spent about 8 total hours working on it. I was going to just do a release of a few select series and the rest later, but since they are on a paid MediaMax account I have this urgent need to do it all at once which is killing me.
Any ways, have you ever felt like you just REALLY didn't belong. I'm not taking about the slight feeling you get when around people older or younger then you and trying to "mingle". I'm talking about everyone else rich and speaking another language while you're poor as dirt and wondering how the hell did you get there. Well that was me Friday. My boyfriend received a Vons gift card from the company he works for for Christmas. Personally I prefer Savemart since there's always one close by and since WinCo came into Clovis the two Vons I used to drop by since they were close to work closed down...although the strike didn't help matters either I'm sure.
Now I've been to large stores before. I've been to fancy stores before. I am not some hick, red neck from the wrong tracks girl...or so I thought. There were two Vons stores close to my apartment. I picked the one off the freeway since at the time I thought it would be closer, I didn't count in the fact I'd get lost since I looked at the map wrong. (I did find a Japanese place to try, a BaskinRobbins and a ColdStone! ) I finally get there and I can tell already that the store is HUGE! That's fine, means a better selection of items and the higher possibility of things being on sale. I was right about that!
So I step into the store and instantly I knew I was out of place. I just knew it. I could feel the will to be there drain out of me. I mean we could use that 25 bucks some other time... It wasn't just the people in the store, although I do find it highly amusing that even in such an upscale Vons I saw three little kids hiding from their mother and acting like brats. It was everything about the store. The selection, the service, the whole store made me feel like I just didn't belong there. I was a fish out of water. The sad thing about this whole trip is that the houses I was looking at that we could possibly buy that Vons would be the closest shopping center so I'd have to get used to it. On the bright side the guy who helped me out to my car was into anime and manga as well, or lied well enough for me to believe him.
As a side note I went out to lunch and furniture window shopping with my mom yesterday since she was in town. She doesn't like to do it by herself and I don't mind, besides she needs me for this sort of stuff. With her grasp of furniture she'd put something contemp with something old world... We talked about a lot of things. I told her about our receptionist, and she told me, "I told you as you were growing up not everyone has the same way of thinking you do. Some people do and will feel that "good enough" is just fine and that unless it causes you problems just let it go." I am trying to work on "letting it go", but it's SOOO hard not to care.
My sister is getting married on my dad's birthday this year. I'm not sure how I feel about this. It's my dad's birthday and to me it's a very very important day. My sister had no idea when his birthday was and it was her fiance who set the date, but still... I'm not invited, not that I'd go anyways, but I don't think it's in good taste. It's also believed that if you get married on an imidiate family member's birthday when they've died it dooms the marriage. I'm not one to put a lot of faith into that sort of thing, but she can use all of the luck she can get. My mom's ok with it, but I don't think I ever will be. It's just not in good taste...
I felt like that the other day when I went back to school.. Everyone had at least a person to talk to and I was standing at the edge of the huge crowd with my brother =/ well, it's okay, you'll get used to the feeling.
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