She knows well I don't deserve her
She laughs and says,
"Thats the way love goes."


The two of us sat in the café behind of the book store. She was drinking some mocha contraption, a contraption I declined to take a sip of because the smell of coffee beans and the thought of drinking it again makes my stomach flip like dead fishies. So she sat there, slurping the coffee drink and flipping through the pages of a Cosmopolotian-I know I butchered the spelling- magazine while I gave my best attempt at studying for a pre cal exam.

I know it’s a bad habit, but I always roll my bottom lip backwards into my mouth and clench down on it when I’m concentrating. I did it then, sitting in the café across from Anh before she mentioned something about grabbing a new book and before I knew what was happening, we were both walking to the bookstore and then to separate directions: her to the manga section and me to the short stories. I grabbed a favorite book of mine to show her,(drown, by Junot Diaz,) and made my way to the comic section.

Anh stood there, one arm wrapped around her stomach and the other resting vertically across her chest where an elbow was leaning up against the opposite wrist. Her mouth was opened a little, and she had an index finger pressed up against her chin while she looked over the selection of comics. I felt more comfortable in the actual book store than the café because there weren’t unfamiliar faces to every direction but across from me, and I felt I could talk more openly there where the only witness to our conversation were the ink blots. Today was the day before valentines day. I brought her a stuffed lion before we ended up at the book store and told her what I thought she ought to know before I pack my bags and drive 5 hours away for college, only to come back for Christmas and summer time. I told her she was important to me.

Important to me. Now that I think about it, just about everyone is important to me… at least, they all should be. I’ve been struggling with the concept of ‘ love thy neighbor, ‘ even those who hurt you. My teacher pulled me aside the other day and told me she thought I was a good kid and would turn out to be a great man, and warned me to watch my pride because it’s something I’ll struggle with. She sees through my blank façade,( Which is the hardest to wear, btw because no one wants to conform with you. Stoics are the loneliest. ), and says that I’m a very emotional thinker and person, which if you hadn’t guessed by reading some of my entries, I guess I am. Not too proud of being called an emotional person since it goes against what I want on my tombstone, (“The manliest man to ever exist since 1988,”), but I’ll accept the thinker thing.

The thing is… I don’t have to struggle much when I’m around Anh. Especially in our car rides to and from places, where I’m most comfortable. We drive, I talk, she listens, she talks, I listen, and my guard is down. It hardly ever goes down. But its down then, and that’s why she is important to me. Not saying you, whoever you are reading this isn’t important either…

I don’t need a guard. I just wish I didn’t want one as well.

precalc.............blaH!!! I guess I see what ur saying...
who knows, ur teacher may be on 2 sumthing....
» CPKviperpheonix on 2006-04-17 12:13:09

=/i still remember reading the one where the kids made of the boy with the mask.. & you're WRONG. you're coming back for the break of spring, thanksgiving, and...labor day. and everyother weekend? anyway..thanks for the entry =] i absolutely loooooved "anh."
» anh{PERIOD} (24.0.85.182) on 2006-04-17 01:08:45

Descriptive, but who indeed is the “She”.
» CONDESCENDme on 2006-04-17 12:06:46

"Book lovers never go to bed alone."- unknown (to me at least)
It'd be cool if a teacher said something like that to me. Something they had been able to tap into without me noticing. Then again I'm not exactly an outspoken gal. I like how you wrote all that though. And I feel the same way about cafes. You described that flawlessly. http://alexphe.free.fr/22.Variations%20on%20the%20Kanon%20by%20Pachelbel-George%20Winston.mp3 xoxxo.
» Phoid_hearted on 2006-04-17 08:32:01

but disgaea is hard to find....at the mall..i don't want to go to ebay or look online...i might in a year...or so...not sure. i really like how your entries are sophistacted. it's like your life in a book. and i just noticed that each entry has a few lines on the top left. i probably said this before lol. nice narration =)
» Ajibalaji89 on 2006-04-18 05:17:55

I am the most important. That is a superlative degree of importance, which means I am at the top of your important people. Durrrr.
» Mo (71.197.206.29) on 2006-04-18 11:09:32

interesting
thats quite an interesting blog. yeah pretty emotional. sounds like a loove story. but yeah ..never returning to old ways ..yep thats a toughie but life has to move on..
» your_punkrock_princess on 2006-04-19 10:20:34

Hey. Yeah, I have NO IDEA what Christian church disagrees with the resurrection, I was kind of appalled. I only went because it's a pretty church and it's Easter, but the service and sermon were astounding. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised given that last Easter the sermon was about how God wants you to conserve water, or something. Wow, don't ask me. He talked about the resurrection and then sort of slipped that little tidbit in when he thought we weren't listening. Anyway, it's so awesome that you're going to college! Since I'm leaving college I've been spending a lot of time looking back on it and it was amazing how far I've come and how much I've learned in only four years.
» Zanzibar on 2006-04-20 11:55:02

hey thanks for the comment. nice entry. sounded like a story rather than a reality thing.
» macyxhuynh on 2006-04-23 09:52:15

Yeah, it hurts to lose someone. The act of writing a letter can do a lot. Thanks for commenting.
» eeerreneh on 2006-04-23 10:33:10

You write so good, i love it .
» nikkoh on 2006-04-25 02:47:50

wow........and there's so much i still have to read. :) takin' care of yourself, jon, i hope.
» brittany (206.222.35.101) on 2006-04-27 11:39:15

Thanks man
Yeah, you got some pretty interesting entries. Stay tight, aiight.
-Payce
» DeeVeuS on 2006-05-16 10:08:13

i had a fudge bar it was pretty good. yumm icecream sandwich...sounds good. even though its 9:57 in the moringing..meh
» your_in_safe_mode on 2006-06-16 09:58:04

Deep. =
Yeah, among Stephens College, I'm also considerting The University of Kansas - it's closer, and more "affordable". And they offer an anthropology major, which I'm interested in.
» invisible on 2006-06-17 05:13:24

* =/
» invisible on 2006-06-17 05:15:09

why not start a new blog?? my comment is still here haha My guard is up only when I don't trust/know someone. Or maybe my guard is always up. Hmm drat Jon, you've awoken a question that makes me think. =P
» Phoid_hearted on 2006-06-18 12:52:38

come to long island...they're everywhere. I can't make 'em... but I'll send them to you!
» Ajibalaji89 on 2006-06-18 01:19:19

I like the way you write.
My teacher told me that I'm not aggressive or ambitious today. Oh well. It's nice that you have someone who you can let your guard down with.
» okidpokie on 2006-06-18 09:01:25

Im kindof taking a blog hiatus.
I just got a little tired of the blogosphere.
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» Freddy (62.209.202.19) on 2010-09-04 03:11:33

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